Blame. Guilt. Denial. That is what I felt when I saw this picture of my empty womb. I immediately blamed myself. "I worked out too hard." I cried to my dr. " I messed up. Please let this be a mistake." I didn't want my baby initially . Do you know much it sucks to say that now? I was selfish and I didn't. I was perfectly happy and content with my 4 babies and I asked God "Why me?". It took me about 2 weeks to accept reality that we would have 5 kids. I was talking to so many women who couldn't get pregnant at that time and here I was pregnant again. I didn't understand. Guilt. Extreme guilt. How could I question his plans. Who was I to tell God I didn't want the life he gave me. Denial. I'm going to come back in 2 weeks and the baby will be there. The blood work will show my levels rise and everything will be ok. Selfish. I was so selfish. Maybe deep down I knew it was a pregnancy that wasn't going to progress? Maybe my mommy instincts kicked in and told me to step back. Either way. I learned my lesson. I learned it hard. Did you know they didn't even offer this picture to me? "I'm so sorry, this looks like a pregnancy that isn't going to progress." After she left the room I snapped this photo desperate for proof that my angel existed. I will always walk by faith. I will never question his plan. I will never understand his reasons, but I do know now that he has one of my perfect little babies in heaven with him.
Thank you for all your support / messages from my post the other day. I am sharing this journey for healing. It helps me to know I am helping others in my shoes. With my due date approaching I need to vent so we can all celebrate this life together on June 26th. I am 1 in 3 and I'm standing up to talk about it. ❤️ #miscarriageawareness
"You may not always understand why God allows certain things to happen, but you can be certain God is not making any mistakes." ✨
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