Breastfeeding Awareness month!

I am a proud mama who nursed all 4 of her babies until 15 months!! ❗️WARNING ❗️this may get a little TMI! So don't read if you don't want to know or if you can't handle TMI 😉 ! Lol Where are all my nursing mamas ?! Who can relate?! What can you add to this list! I know I'm missing something! Lol

Here are some things I learned :

✔️Things will NOT go as planned. It is HARD to nurse your baby , especially when they are born and refuse to latch. You will sit there in shock when the lactation consultant sticks your crying newborn on your boob that is bigger than their head it almost feels like you are smothering them. "Take advantage of their cry" she will say "its when their mouth is wide open!" 😲

✔️There will be blood and it will hurt when your nipples dry up and crack and you will cry at the thought of feeding your child. You'll learn later (maybe on your 3rd go around that it was due to improper latching or possibly a lip tie) or maybe just your body adjusting? Either way you know it will pass after a few weeks of pain.

✔️The first time your baby sleeps through the night you'll wake up soaking wet with rock hard boobs and you'll be begging them to eat along with pumping (kinda excited to store all this extra milk) and while choking your child who can't keep up with all the milk.

✔️You will find yourself pumping in random uncomfortable places at work like closets or offices  and then trying to store the milk at work. You worry about what others think but you do it anyway (it really is a labor of love!)

✔️ You'll fall asleep with your baby on you and when you wake up , they wake too and start sucking again even though it's been hours . It's like they never want to let you go.

✔️Those eyes as they look up at you make everything better, you realize your carried them for 9 months and you are still their life nutrition after.

✔️ You wish your husband could take just 1 feeding but at the same time you secretly love having that 1:1 bonding time. You get to say "I need to nurse the baby" it's a seriously easy escape route. Plus, You know that they are only little for so long.

✔️The breastfeeding community is amazing! Every nursing mama provides tips and information to help you. They understand how hard it is.

✔️When it's time to wean you get sad because you know it's the end of their "Baby stage" and they are heading into toddler years. Deep down you feel like "they no longer need you" but you know that's not true!

Each of my 4 babies were amazing with nursing by 3 months but it took consistency, determination and hard work. I made a decision that I was going to feed them no matter what struggles we came upon. Trust me there was supplementing, there was colicky, thrush, non stop feeding , there was diet elimination but it was WORTH it!! I am not one to say breast is best, I do believe fed is best. EVERY mama is a WARRIOR no matter how they feed their baby!! I am grateful for the experience but I am happy to have my body again!  ❤️ #worldbreastfeedingawareness

My journey through miscarriage: Blame. Guilt. Denial.

Blame. Guilt. Denial. That is what I felt when I saw this picture of my empty womb. I immediately blamed myself. "I worked out too hard." I cried to my dr. " I messed up. Please let this be a mistake." I didn't want my baby initially . Do you know much it sucks to say that now? I was selfish and I didn't. I was perfectly happy and content with my 4 babies and I asked God "Why me?". It took me about 2 weeks to accept reality that we would have 5 kids. I was talking to so many women who couldn't get pregnant at that time and here I was pregnant again. I didn't understand. Guilt. Extreme guilt. How could I question his plans. Who was I to tell God I didn't want the life he gave me. Denial. I'm going to come back in 2 weeks and the baby will be there. The blood work will show my levels rise and everything will be ok. Selfish. I was so selfish. Maybe deep down I knew it was a pregnancy that wasn't going to progress? Maybe my mommy instincts kicked in and told me to step back. Either way. I learned my lesson. I learned it hard. Did you know they didn't even offer this picture to me? "I'm so sorry, this looks like a pregnancy that isn't going to progress." After she left the room I snapped this photo desperate for proof that my angel existed. I will always walk by faith. I will never question his plan. I will never understand his reasons, but I do know now that he has one of my perfect little babies in heaven with him.

Thank you for all your support / messages from my post the other day. I am sharing this journey for healing. It helps me to know I am helping others in my shoes. With my due date approaching I need to vent so we can all celebrate this life together on June 26th. I am 1 in 3 and I'm standing up to talk about it. ❤️ #miscarriageawareness

"You may not always understand why God allows certain things to happen, but you can be certain God is not making any mistakes." ✨

Happy Mothers Day

My beautiful babies....

You are the ones who made me a mom. Something I always wanted to be in life. I dreamed of caring for you, making you laugh , loving you and watching you grow up. I wanted you.

I know our days are filled with busy-ness of life, crying, whining , fighting with your siblings, not getting enough 1:1 time with each of your parents , me forgetting homework, rushed mornings before school, scrambling for shoes around the house when it's time to go , fixing broken toys, bandaids on bleeding scrapes the list goes on. Most days I sit there after you have all gone to sleep and think "What just happened." Mom life isn't perfect and mommin' ain't easy!

But guess what ...my original dream is still there. I love you, I care for you , I make you laugh and I love watching you grow. I need you. Every single day you make me, ME and without you I wouldn't be who I am today.

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there!!!

My journey through miscarriage

You see this picture and you think. Wow. Her life is perfect!!! She works out everyday and is always so positive and happy. You do not see the pain & worry that was going on inside my head. You don't know that just hours before this photo was taken I was crying in an ultrasound studio because my 8 week old baby wasn't there.

Are you lost yet? Yes. Last October we found out we were going to be adding #5 to our family and on this day, we were going to be taking an announcement photo. Not sure what exactly was going on inside my body I decided to not take those pictures.

For a while I couldn't look at these family photos without feeling sadness, but now this picture is perfect to me because even amongst the sadness there was a little bit of hope that maybe everything was going to be ok. That even if it wasn't going to be ok , these 5 people meant the world to me and helped me get lost in that moment. It has taken a while for me to be open to sharing this, mostly because I've been trying to deal with the pain.  As our due date approaches (June 26th) I want to share with you bits and pieces of my miscarriage journey in hopes to spread awareness. Please know, this isn't easy for me. I feel very vulnerable, but God has put it on my heart. ❤️

Did you know that 1 in 3 women have had a miscarriage? Too many women are expected to just get over it. When truly there is a hole in their heart that can't be repaired. I don't really know the right words that can be said but I do know with time, the pain does fade. Personally, I had to take control fast, I couldn't let myself stay down for long because I was spiraling.

I don't need sympathy and don't worry about me...I'm doing ok. I just want to help other mamas who have been in my shoes. I know there are many moms who feel alone just like I did during this time, please know you aren't alone and it's Ok to talk about it.

✨ If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it. ✨

Stay tuned for more of my journey to healing......